Delaying Divorce Tactics (2023)

Even when our marriages seem shaky, many of us resist change. So when you or your spouse approach you and say, “I want a divorce,” understanding your emotions and your new reality can be a long and difficult journey. It's not uncommon for either of you to find reasons to resist and use a variety of tactics to delay the divorce as you struggle to make sense of the events that brought you here.

It is almost impossible to leave marriage without “baggage”, without emotions and regrets.

No matter how angry or hurt you are, a part of you doesn't want to hurt the people you love the most. If you have children, you tell yourself that the news of the breakup will break them. When you look at your husband* and say you want a divorce, you fear the disgust, shock, or even anger you will see on her face.

And if it's the other way around, if you gowho is told that their marriage is overSo realizing how bad their marriage got or how far apart they've grown fills you with another kind of regret. The kind that makes you wonder:What I lose? Were there signs? What could you have done differently? I know we have issues, but why doesn't he care enough to try to improve our relationship and stay?

(Video) My Spouse is STALLING Our Divorce | Delay Tactics in Divorce

Dealing with these emotions during a divorce can lead us to lash out and make questionable decisions. It can also cause us to procrastinate or go into denial.

Why do people use divorce delay tactics?

If you or your spouse are looking for ways to delay or prevent divorce, it's usually for one of the following reasons...

  1. They areangry and unhappy with the divorce, so you've decided you won't make it easy for anyone. He wants any form of revenge or punishment he can get.
  2. You are afraid of your future (or your children's future) and therefore try to prolong the inevitable as long as possible.
  3. You think you can fix your marriage, that maybe your spouse is making this decision in a hurry or is too stubborn to work on himself, and you're trying to give the two of you more time together so he can see that too.
  4. You're hoping to gain something financially: you're hiding assets, racking up legal fees, or deferring child support payments.

Of course, human emotions are complicated and fickle. You or your spouse may have any number of reasons for delaying divorce, but here are some of the most common ones.

Below is a list of common divorce delaying tactics - it's important to recognize them whether you're the one practicing them or not. Sometimes, unintentionally, we delay movement or “progress” in our lives and we have to take a step back to see it clearly.

(Video) Be Aware of Delaying Tactics in Divorce

see a therapist

Whether you talk to a therapist alone or attend marriage counseling, talking to a professional about issues arising in your relationship is a way to delay divorce and help you figure out what you and your spouse really want. Some states will grant a continuation that puts the divorce on hold for several days if there appears to be a chance of reconciliation.

But if you've already seen a therapist (possibly even more than once) or if your husband isn't receptive to counseling, it's clear that no amount of talking will help your marriage. These conversations quickly devolve into attempts to figure out who the culprit is, and resolving this is nearly impossible and often pointless.

Claiming to have busy schedules

If you cancel meetings at the last minute or are unavailable to schedule them, you could delay your divorce. Sometimes people use their jobs as an excuse, but some people exploit or make up health reasons to cause delay. Whether due to stress or a medical condition, they say the need to schedule medical appointments and procedures is impacting their ability to move forward with divorce proceedings in a timely manner.

change of lawyers

Peoplelook for new lawyersFor many reasons. Sometimes they just want someone who is more aggressive. They don't feel well represented, or maybe they don't feel understood or heard.

(Video) Dirty Tricks Your Spouse Can Use to Delay Your Divorce

When you or your spouse change lawyers, you can get a continuation and the divorce proceedings are put on hold. This isn't always the case, of course. Judges may require you to stick to your current schedule, even if you are changing representations. But certainly divorce professionals have seen spouses use this tactic to constantly postpone negotiations.

Do not answer

Ignore text messages, phone calls and emails? Not signing documents? In general, not responding and not being available is another way that people try to delay the divorce.

Consciously the no.

In any case, if you or your spouse employ deferred divorce tactics, judges and lawyers have seen it all. Your particular twist won't be new. Divorce professionals recognize when someone is not acting in good faith, and in many states, this is when attempts to postpone divorce begin to fail. It is possible that they will proceed with the procedures without you, and in the end your husband will get a lot of what he wanted in the first place.

(Video) Manipulation Tactics from your Spouse during Divorce!

If you think your spouse is trying to delay your divorce, a good attorney will help you balance these attempts with motions to deny your repeated cancellation requests and other tactics. Your lawyer will help you show that she did everything in her power to notify your husband of the divorce proceedings and reach a settlement, and the judge can use this evidence to waive your right to a trial. .

Divorce postponement tactics may work, but they will never really be successful in the long run. We no longer live in a world where one spouse can force the other to stay in the marriage against their will, and these tactics not only hurt your ex, but inevitably prolong your own pain and postpone it.your divorce recovery. They also affect your children's relationships with both parents and their ability to heal. How they resolve their divorce challenges, the climate of the negotiation and how they behave is directly related tohow your children will recover in the long run.

If one of you is really ready to leave the marriage, then using divorce delay tactics won't change anything. The longer you put off divorce, the better chance your spouse will move on with their lives, romantically or otherwise, while you're still technically married. This complicates everything even more. Even well-meaning love interests will want to offer their opinions on your divorce, and those opinions can influence your ex to make certain decisions as the process continues. Options that may not benefit you or your children.

If you are dealing with divorce delay tactics, whether or not you are perpetrating them, we encourage you tofind the divorce support you needso that you and your family can move on with your lives.

(Video) Legal Nuts And Bolts: Delay Tactics

Whether you are considering divorce or are already going through a confusing experience, one thing we see making a significant difference for women is the conscious choice not to go through a divorce alone. Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to accompany them through the emotional, financial and often difficult experience of divorce.

SAS offers women6, FREE months of email training,action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you, your family, and your future. "A successful divorce requires smart steps, one at a time." – SAS for Women

*This article was written for SAS for Women, a women-only website. At SAS, we respect same-sex marriages, however, for simplicity in this article, we refer to your spouse as male.


Why is my husband dragging out the divorce? ›

A number of reasons can cause this. Your spouse may want to delay things for financial gain. Your spouse may not want the divorce or simply wants to drag it out to punish you. Your spouse may just be difficult and cannot handle the process amicably.

What are the benefits of delaying divorce? ›

The Pros of Delaying a Divorce

Delaying a divorce for financial reasons could have several benefits – you could have a better opportunity to rid yourself of debt, to sell your home in a better market, to build up your emergency fund, or to simply get your money in order.

What is the longest time a divorce can take? ›

When you file a divorce, in most states you have to wait a certain period of time before you are allowed to finalize or finish the divorce. This is called a divorce waiting period or cooling off period. The longest wait is 365 days and the shortest wait is 0 days.

How do you avoid getting screwed in a divorce? ›

Here are ten things you can do to keep from screwing up your divorce.
  1. Get professional help. ...
  2. Get your share. ...
  3. Insure your future. ...
  4. Terminate joint debt. ...
  5. Consider taxes on support. ...
  6. Transfer retirement assets. ...
  7. Rev up your retirement planning. ...
  8. Cut your ex out of your will.

How does a narcissist behave during divorce? ›

A narcissist will expect to get special treatment and to be able to control everything in the divorce, even the judge. They also don't like to lose, so they will file motions and fight hard to win, even over trivial matters that aren't worth the attorney fees.

Do narcissists drag out divorce? ›

Narcissists are notoriously difficult to divorce. They often use their partner's emotional needs against them, dragging out the process for as long as possible. This is because they are dependent on the “narcissistic supply” to feel good about themselves.

What age is worse for divorce? ›

Elementary school age (6–12) This is arguably the toughest age for children to deal with the separation or divorce of their parents.

Why do couples divorce late in life? ›

Couples can divorce later in life for the same reasons younger couples split up -- infidelity, financial pressures, regrets about earlier decisions, or a desire for greater independence. But when you're over 50, these reasons are framed by aging and the realization that you have more years behind you than ahead of you.

Are you better off after divorce? ›

While some may be happier after a divorce, research indicates most adults that divorce have lower levels of happiness and more psychological distress compared to married individuals. Divorce can bring up new conflicts between couples that cause more tension than when they were married.

Is dating during divorce adultery? ›

The only official reasons for divorce in California are incurable insanity of a spouse or irreconcilable differences. Although dating before your divorce is final is considered adultery, the courts do not consider that when deciding to grant the divorce.

What is cooling period in divorce? ›

Section 13B(2) of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 specifies a 6-month “cool down” or awaiting term after filing the divorce petition before the issue continues in situations of divorce by mutual consent to allow the couple one final opportunity to mend fences.

What state has the fastest divorce? ›

Alaska is notoriously fast at finalizing a divorce. Alaska, Nevada, and South Dakota can usually finalize a divorce in just under two months.

Who loses more in a divorce? ›

While many men are quick to say that their ex-wives took everything, including the dog—or that is what many country songs lead you to believe, anyway—the truth is that women often fare worse in a divorce.

What is the number one problem for divorce? ›

Lack of commitment is the most common reason given by divorcing couples according to a recent national survey. Here are the reasons given and their percentages: Lack of commitment 73% Argue too much 56%

What not to forget in divorce settlement? ›

12 things people forget to address in their divorce agreements
  • Retirement accounts. When dividing marital assets in the divorce process, many people forget to specify who will get ownership of their retirement accounts. ...
  • Name changes. ...
  • Airline miles. ...
  • Custody. ...
  • Spousal support. ...
  • Household items. ...
  • Debt. ...
  • Tax liabilities.
Oct 12, 2022

How does narcissist treat wife? ›

Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually – or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.

What does a narcissist do in a marriage? ›

A narcissistic husband is usually a very selfish person and will only think about themselves, and not about you or your relationship together. They might expect you to do all the housework, or they may want to have sex with you when they want it, but not when you want it.

How do narcissists finalize divorce? ›

6 Strategies and Tips for Divorcing a Narcissist
  1. Set Realistic Expectations. ...
  2. Assemble Your Support Team Early. ...
  3. Set Boundaries for Yourself. ...
  4. Consider Therapy. ...
  5. Document Everything. ...
  6. Hire an Attorney Who Has Worked With Difficult Personalities.
Jan 20, 2021

Why do narcissists prolong divorce? ›

A narcissist will try and delay the ending of the relationship as it is the control of the relationship upon which they thrive. Even if the end of the relationship is inevitable they will stall and seek to delay the divorce process.

Will a narcissist threaten divorce? ›

Once affirmed, they begin the attack on their spouse. Verbal berating, name calling, threats of divorce, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and bullying are common first line attacks. This tactic almost always works in the beginning as the spouse dejectedly returns back to the narcissist to try the relationships again.

What month has the highest divorce rate? ›

Which Months Do Divorce Filings Peak? Divorce rates peak in March and August. There are a number of reasons these two months see a large increase in divorce and separation. People are less likely to divorce during the winter holidays since these events revolve around time spent with family.

Who does divorce affect the most? ›

Statistically speaking, men have a tougher time with anxiety, depression, and insomnia, and experience greater fluctuations in weight following divorce. Some surmise that women typically play a greater role in championing healthy living and communication during marriage, leaving men at a loss when they're alone.

What is the best age for kids in divorce? ›

A: Research shows that children's worst age to experience a divorce is between the ages of 6-10. Alternatively, the best periods for a child to experience separation are between 1-2yrs old.

What are 4 major predictors of divorce? ›

The Four Horsemen are four communication habits that increase the likelihood of divorce, according to research by psychologist and renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph. D. Those four behaviors are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.

What year of marriage do most divorces happen? ›

While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.

How do you know when your marriage is beyond repair? ›

What does real trouble look like?
  • There's no emotional connection. ...
  • Communication breakdown. ...
  • Aggressive or confrontational communication. ...
  • There's no appeal to physical intimacy. ...
  • You don't trust them. ...
  • Fantasising about others. ...
  • You're not supporting each other and have different goals. ...
  • You can't imagine a future together.

Who are more happy after divorce? ›

A 2013 survey conducted by London's Kingston University said the majority of women were happier than they had ever been after divorcing. Another survey by Carphone Warehouse said 35% of women were less stressed after divorce compared to 17% of men.

Who is better off financially after divorce? ›

Although this might seem like a relatively large number, the truth is that women suffer much more on average. Other studies have come to even more interesting conclusions. According to a recent article, men actually become richer after getting divorced.

Are second marriages more successful? ›

While many couples see remarriage as a second chance at happiness, the statistics tell a different story. According to available Census data, the divorce rate for second marriages in the United States is over 60% compared to around 50% for first marriages.

What are the two types of adultery? ›

The two types of adultery

Let's look at the dictionary definition of adultery: “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.” In fact, there are two types: single adultery (with an unmarried person) and double adultery (with a married person.)

Why you shouldn't date during a divorce? ›

You Risk Damaging the Coparenting Relationship

Even if you have already grieved the end of your marriage, your spouse may not have. Finding out that you are dating already could upset them and cause them to lash out. While your children should never be used against you, hurt people can do irrational things.

Can you date while waiting on your divorce? ›

While there is no law stating that you can't enter into a new relationship while your divorce is ongoing, most divorce attorneys will prefer their clients either wait until their divorce is final or be discreet about a new relationship while the divorce is ongoing, especially when children are involved.

What are the 3 grounds for divorce? ›

1) Continuous absence of seven years. 2) Non-consummation of marriage within one year. 3) Unsound mind provided the other spouse was unaware of the fact at the time of marriage and the divorce must be filed within three years of marriage.

What is the six months for divorce? ›

Sub-section (2) of Section 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act provides that the Court shall pass a decree of divorce, declaring the marriage to be dissolved with effect from the date of the decree, on the motion of both the parties, made not earlier than six months after the date of presentation of the petition referred to ...

Is it necessary to wait for 6 months for divorce? ›

However, another provision under the Hindu Marriage Act states that a divorce petition cannot be filed earlier than 6 months. This is the cooling period given to the spouses before finalizing their divorce. However, this waiting and rethinking period is not mandatory.

What is the hardest state to get a divorce? ›

The 5 Hardest States To Get A Divorce:
  • Vermont.
  • Rhode Island.
  • South Carolina.
  • Arkansas.
  • California. Related.

Who initiates divorce most of the time? ›

A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher.

What is the average length of time for a divorce? ›

On average, it takes 12 months to complete a divorce, from filing the divorce petition to finalizing the judgment. If the case goes to trial, the average time is about 18 months. The average cost of divorce in 2019 was $12,900, which includes $11,300 in attorney's fees and about $1,600 in other expenses.

What is the number one cause of divorce money? ›

Money arguments are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. High levels of debt and poor communication lead to stress and anxiety when it comes to finances. Nearly half of couples with $50,000 or more in debt say money is their top reason for arguing. Nearly 2/3 of all marriages start in debt.

Why is GREY divorce? ›

Gray (or grey) divorce refers to a divorce involving individuals who are 50 years of age or older. Many high-profile cases, such as Bill and Melinda Gates, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, have brought attention to the growing number of gray divorces.

What is the negative side of divorce? ›

These include psychological disorders (depression and anxiety); feelings of sadness, loss and anger; under-achievement at school and in employment; social problems, including delinquent and deviant behaviour; a higher incidence of drug and alcohol abuse; poor parent-child relationships; and poor adult relationships, ...

What ends most marriages? ›

Content Considerations for Premarital Education
  • Infidelity. Over half of all participants cited infidelity as a major reason for divorce and infidelity was the most often endorsed “final straw” reason. ...
  • Substance abuse. ...
  • Domestic violence. ...
  • Financial hardship. ...
  • Marriage expectations.

How divorce changes a woman? ›

Divorce puts a strain on the financial, social, and emotional relationships of the partners. This time particularly can be devastating for women who may lose confidence, be forced into custody issues, and may lose hope of ever finding happiness again. Some women find it hard to return to their normal self again.

What is the divorce rate for sexless marriages? ›

It's not known what percentage of sexless marriages end in divorce, but if the rate is in keeping with the overall divorce rate in America, it would be about 50 percent. Chances are that the percentage of sexless marriages ending in divorce is even higher.

What should a woman ask for in a divorce settlement? ›

What Should You Ask for in a Divorce Settlement?
  • 1.1. Child Custody & Support.
  • 1.2. Alimony.
  • 1.3. Property & Debt.
  • 1.4. The Marital Home.
  • 1.5. Insurance Policies (Life & Health Insurance)
  • 1.6. Education Expenses.
  • 1.7. Debt Division.
  • 1.8. Jewelry.
Jan 8, 2023

How do I protect myself financially in a divorce? ›

Protecting Your Money in a Divorce
  1. Hire an experienced divorce attorney. Ideally, this person will emphasize mediation or collaborative divorce over litigation. ...
  2. Open accounts in your name only. ...
  3. Sort out mortgage and rent payments. ...
  4. Be prepared to share retirement accounts.

How do I know if my husband is serious about divorce? ›

Key points. If someone suspects their spouse is thinking about divorce, it is likely because they're seeing signs they shouldn't ignore. Warning signs include emotional disconnection, loss of romance, and living like roommates. Once contempt enters a relationship, it may be too late to save the marriage.

What happens when your husband doesn't want to divorce? ›

If the matter is not resolved amicably and mutual consent is not reached, firstly file a claim under S. 125 of CrPC for maintenance. After that you can file for a contested divorce on the grounds of cruelty under S. 13 (1) of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.

Why does it take so long to divorce a narcissist? ›

Their ego protects them from having any faults. Even if they agree they have a problem, their ego will justify their behavior, making therapy difficult. Divorcing a narcissist requires that you be prepared: mentally, physically, and financially!

When the narcissist wants a divorce? ›

Narcissistic Husband Wants A Divorce

Narcissists love to control other people, which means during a divorce process they will try to seem to be the ones running the process. You will notice that your narcissistic spouse will always portray you as a selfish person that wants everything to go their way.

How do you know you're headed for divorce? ›

6 Warning Signs Your Marriage May Be Headed For Divorce
  • There is an Emotional Distance. ...
  • You Are More Like Roommates Than Spouses. ...
  • There is a Lack of Intimacy. ...
  • Your Spouse is Always Busy. ...
  • There Are Signs Your Spouse is Cheating. ...
  • Everything You Do Seems To Irritate Your Spouse. ...
  • When It Is Time To Consult With A Divorce Lawyer.
Sep 19, 2022

What happens if only 1 person wants a divorce? ›

A claim of “irreconcilable differences” by either party is enough for a court to agree to end the marriage. In short, if one person wants out of a marriage, he is legally able to do so, whether the other person agrees or not.

Is it better to stay separated or divorce? ›

If you don't see any financial benefit from a legal separation and are certain you want to end your marriage, it might be best to go straight to a divorce. Otherwise, you'll spend time and money getting a legal separation only to have to go through the process all over again to get a divorce.

When you want a divorce but your wife doesn t? ›

So if you're in a situation where as a husband, you want a divorce but your wife doesn't, the best way to move forward is to mediate your divorce. But mediation is a voluntary process so both of you need to be willing to mediate.

How do narcissist treat their wives? ›

Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually – or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.

What narcissists do after divorce? ›

They will attempt to find ways to control the ex-spouse even after the divorce is final. This is much easier to do if there are children from the marriage. A narcissist will work over-time attempting to control the ex-spouse through child support, visitation time, and co-parenting decisions.

What is the best way to tell a narcissist you want a divorce? ›

When you explain why you want a divorce, keep it general, and about your dynamic (poor communication, different values, etc.), rather than identifying your spouse as the problem. Stick to your guns. Once you announce your decision, don't waffle. Ambivalence will confuse and aggravate the narcissist.

What is the narcissistic abuse cycle in marriage? ›

The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of behavior that is common in relationships where one partner is a narcissist. This cycle can be difficult to break free from, but it is possible with the right help and support. It typically consists of three phases: idealization, devaluation, discarding and hovering.


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